


Consider it          Even

by FangirlOfTheCentury



Category: Sherlock - Fandom
Genre: Conflict, Cute Ending, John's Bi, John/Sherlock - Freeform, M/M, Sherlock's gay, Takes place after The Last Vow, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-14 02:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7148552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlOfTheCentury/pseuds/FangirlOfTheCentury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is just realizing now how much he needs John, though there is one small conflict. How can he love a man he can not have?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consider it          Even

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty so this is my first Johnlock fanfiction so it may be very crappy/rough. There will most likely be spelling/autocorrect mistakes because I know I usually miss something XD. Your feedback is welcomed! Alright here you go

    Sherlock paced back and forth between the dusty, dark lit rooms of flat 221B. His mind racing, his palms sweating,  the constant sensation of heat on his cheeks. 

   How did he get himself into this mess. How did he Sherlock Holmes the emotionless detective who was married and devoted to his work manage to fall in love with his old flat mate, his partner in crime, and his best friend John Watson?

   Sherlock collapsed onto the black leather couch, his mind was racing a million miles per hour. It was impossible ! He was never capable of love or anything like that before so why did he feel it now? It was simply illogical! There was no reasonable explanation except... Maybe this wasn't love. Maybe it's  just what friends thought about each other...This couldn't be chemistry they were just extremely close friends right? Christ Sherlock knew exactly what this was he couldn't fool himself.  
The pale man stood up and began to pace yet again trying to sort out his tangled emotions. 

   Sherlock had always felt very jubilant in his best friend's presence, Whenever the shorter man was around,  Sherlock's whole world would brighten . But there were some minor difficulties for having these desires.John had gotten married , moved out, is having a baby, and practically stepped out of Sherlock's life. 

   Sherlocks eyes widened he clasped his hands together and rested them under his chin, how had he never seen this before? He didn't just start having these affections towards John they've always been there . He was always to caught up in his work to even handle the regular human necessities like eating or drinking, let alone trying to deal with his emotions. Now it was to late to do anything about it so how the hell was he going to deal with this, these new feelings.

   Sherlock's pace quickened his eyes glued to the floor as he tried to think of an easy, reasonable solution. it usually came to him like that, but God the only thing on his mind at the moment was that brilliant Dr.Watson.  

  Sherlock never understood lovehe couldn't understand it. love was so idiotic so pointless There was no need for it really, well not In his life at least. who needs a boyfriend when you could devote all your time to deducing people and solving murders? 

Sherlock let out an audible sigh he lifted his head and stared out the window at the busy streets of London, the sun was hidden by dreary clouds like they usually did in the UK Sherlock bit his cheek. In the past Sherlock had forbade himself into even thinking about getting caught in that black hole they called love, that work would always  be his number one priority. But look where that got him. Confused, terrified, and  head over heels in love . 

    Sherlock's began to think of how to deal with this predicament, this unsolvable case. It seemed impossible. Even for the great Sherlock Holms himself.  The tall man rubbed his temples and between his eyes, he wanted John no he needed John but how could want a man he could not have.

   Sherlock stared blankly at his violin case debating wether he should play or not. Though he was interrupted mid thought by a loud buzzing that was coming from his mobile . Sherlock picked up the mobile frantically, he longed to here johns voice. 

  " ah yes hello brother dear" Mycroft said in his sweet sickly tone. Sherlock scowled, why did his pretentious brother always have to call at the absolute worst moments.

   "What do you want" Sherlock spat clearly aggravated with his older brother and slightly...ok very disappointed it wasn't John. 

Mycroft caught up on this new emotion he could hear in his younger brothers tone , why would   his younger brother possibly be disappointed? Maybe expecting someone else? He wasn't exactly Sherlocks first choice of caller. Then it hit him, just like that . Mycroft smiled to himself, It really didn't take a genius to figure it out.

  " having fun not getting involved" Mycrofts said in his obvious cocky tone 

  "Piss off Mycroft" Sherlock shot back at him through gritted teeth. Mycroft closed his eyes he let out a frustrated sigh at his brother's sudden aggravation, though Mycroft seemed to somewhat understand. 

   "Sherlock I warned you not to get involved" Mycroft said sympathy now flooding his voice.Sherlock glared at where His older brother usually hid the CCE. He knew Mycroft was watching him. He almost always was. 

   " I'm not involved" Sherlock growled "how many times do I have to tell you I was never involved with john's relationship and I never will be!" Mycroft raised a brow 

    " I never mentioned John or his wife, Sherlock." Mycroft sang a sly smile crept onto face. He knew he was getting somewhere. Sherlock cursed under his breath.

   " why did you call me Mycroft? other than to humiliate me"  Sherlock said sharply tempted to end the call right then and there ,but his curiosity got to the better of him and decided against throwing his phone across the room .Mycroft fiddled with his nails the smug smile still hung. 

  " am I not aloud to talk to my baby brother?" Mycroft asked innocently

  " No" Sherlock shot back gripping his chair  his knuckles turning white. Mycroft closed his eyes he wished his younger brother understood.

   "I'm concerned about you Sherlock. I really am now Go talk to Him " Mycroft said his sympathy replacing the pretentious tone.

   " Are you that stupid? I'm not going to talk to John he's married Mycroft!" Sherlock was shouting now. Mycroft smirked 

   " so you are passionate about John"  Mycroft smiled as it was Clear he had won. Sherlock pursed his lips, he was glaring at the camera again trying his hardest not to grab the camera and smash it. 

  " great detective work Mycroft you should try it sometime" Sherlock said sarcastically "now that the secret is out what are you going to do tell all of Great Britain" Sherlock snapped. Mycroft softly chuckled 

   " tempted, but sadly no Sherlock I wouldn't do that. Besides John is on his way over to your flat right now. I only wish you the best Sherlock, do know that" Sherlock's eyes widened at Mycroft's statement 

  " J-John?Why-  What the hell were you bloody thinking? Mycroft why do you make it your number one priority to humiliate me" Sherlock spat, his face Now a white sheet. How could his older brother be so idiotic.

   "Me? Humiliate you? I would never" the sly smile returned yet again  " besides dear brother why would I do this if I knew it would end poorly" and with that Mycroft hung up the phone and leaned back in his chair, he cared about his younger brother even though this childish feud of theirs wasn't going to end anytime soon. Besides he only wanted the best for his naive brother. 

   Sherlock closed his eyes in utter disgust. Then quickly popped them back open , he needed to come up with a lie to get John of his case. Sherlock never found it hard to tell a lie, it was quite simple actually but when he was around John his strength quickly turned into his weakness , now Sherlock was forced to come with something believable,  something clever,something- his thoughts were cut off when he heard a knock at the door. Sherlock new that knock. That was a knock of someone who's fought in the military a strong steady knock though not forced or rushed, a patient man with steady hands a doctor of course, the knock was more of a pound male obviously. The source of the knock was also at a lower height the average man, which meant that this man was approximately 5,6. 

"John" Sherlock muttered under his breath

   Sherlock took a quick breath before approaching the door, there stood in front of the flat door John Hamish Watson. Sherlock took in a deep breath before greeting his friend "Hello John" Sherlock said stiffly John smiled 

   "hey Sherlock, you ok your uh brother called me.well he didn't technically call me it was more of one of his goons driving me into a dark alley and giving me this letter, but that doesn't matter at the moment, did you find something? Are you ok? "Sherlock merely nodded

   "Yes I am perfectly fine why wouldn't I be" Sherlock added before turning away from John leaving the two standing there awkwardly. John clasped his hands together and looked around the room 

  "You didn't change much, well other than my chair" John pointed out Sherlock only nodded.  he had moved john's chair originally because Sherlock had convinced himself that the chairs had no use and was in the way, now Sherlock realizes it was because he couldn't bare to look at it without being reminded that he would never have John. 

   John stared at Sherlock. confusion and worry began to flood his face . " Sherlock"

"Hm?"

  " Mycroft said you wanted to tell me something"

" I don't know what he was talking about probably just to get under your skin or something like that"

"Don't lie to me Sherlock"

"I'm not lying"

  " what did you want to tell me?"

"Nothing at all" 

" are you sure?"

  Sherlock looked out the window and stared down at the busy streets of London he took a deep breath. John had the right to know so might as well tell him. " John... My chemistry with you has no limits some would say infinity but that's physically impossible because as you must know as a doctor, a human being will never live forever it is truly physically impossible there for there is no such way to possible match infinity because there is no end to it. yet in a way my passion for you has no end so I guess some people would say infinity even though it's scientifically wrong"

   Sherlock's rambling went on for a couple more minutes and John didn't dare interrupt he couldn't believe what he was hearing  maybe this was a misunderstanding John wasn't near as intelligent as Sherlock so maybe John was getting the wrong idea

  " uh Sherlock?"

  Sherlock didn't match johns glance .

  "Yes John?"

  "What exactly are you saying?"

  Sherlock closed his eyes " John Watson you keep me right, you give me so much energy I would give up coffee, John dare I say it I am in love with you.

  John nearly choked on nothing, Sherlock the man he's been secretly crushing on for years finally admits to John his undying love and John can't accept. 

  "Now you tell me" John muttered Sherlock whipped his head towards John 

  "What did you say?" Sherlock asked clearly not expecting this reaction.

  " I said now you bloody tell me you git!" John said raising his voice. Sherlock looked  at John curiosity and confusion filled the taller man's sea glass eyes. 

  " really?" Sherlock muttered to himself unsure if John heard him 

  " Christ yes really!" Question answered. "Sherlock I loved you I still do" 

  Sherlock looked over John he seemed shocked, upset, angry, and relieved all at the same time. Like a flurry of emotions Sherlock didn't understand 

  John rubbed his temples, Sherlock looked out the window the two men were unsure what to do next. Sherlock had never loved before John had never loved a man before, they were both new to this.

  Finally after what seemed to be an eternity of silence Sherlock spoke up 

  " What now?" Sherlock asked his voice small 

  John shrugged "I honestly don't know" 

  " you love me yes" Sherlock asked cautiously   John sighed before nodding   
"More than Mary?" Sherlock's voice was small, weak. He was hesitant my to ask but he needed to know. He mustered up the courage to steal a glance at John but immediately wished he didn't when he realized the shorter man was staring at him with pure disbelief and hurt. 

   " Sherlock, Mary is my wife I can't just leave and we are having a bloody child for Christ sakes . Sherlock I moved on. you died I thought I would never see you again do you know how hard that was for me? For two years you left me to greave. I loved you sherlock i still do but I chose Mary, Sherlock do understand." the strong words left a bitter taste in john's mouth. 

   Sherlock flinched at the difficult words. The pain and guilt washed over him like a river all over again. Sherlock looked down at his scuffed dress shoes " John I'm so sorry" Sherlock's voice was meek and barely audible but John heard it crystal clear. 

  John closed his eyes " why Sherlock? You never told me why you left -" John was trying his best to keep his voice an even tone but it tended to break and fade when he didn't know how to deal.

Sherlock looked away from the shorter man " I did it to save you" he muttered johns breath faltered 

  " Y-you did what?" 

  " I did it to save you John" Sherlock took a deep breath swallowing back tears. "If-If I didn't jump, Moriarty would have killed you, he would have killed you and Mrs. Hudson, and Lestrade" 

  Johns face fell he now understood, why didn't he put the pieces together before? "Sherlock-"  

"I should be going now" Sherlock muttered . He nods  to John and turned towards the door . Love truly was idiotic, it's only there until reality hits then it leaves you with depression and heartbreak.  

   Sherlock reached for the doorknob when he felt a strong hand wrap around his wrist. John  gripping onto Sherlock's hand for dear life as he pulled on Sherlock's arm with incredible force until the two were face to face 

   Sherlock couldn't even register what was happening until john's hand was on Sherlock's scarf tugging Sherlock down to john's level and crashing into his lips. Sherlock tumbled forward but quickly regained his footing. 

   John's hand still gripped tightly on Sherlock's scarf and Sherlock wrapped his arms around john's shoulders as the two had locked lips. It was only seconds later when Sherlock realized how wrong this was. But how amazing it felt. How could something so wrong feel so right?

  When Sherlock pulled away he felt weightless and fantastic he felt completely human.  though a slight bitterness still nipped at the back of Sherlock's mind and he knew this couldn't go unspoken. "John you're married" Sherlock's voice was a small whisper. 

  John smirked   " and the women I married also nearly killed you, consider you two even"

**Author's Note:**

> ok so there you go in I hope that was ok 
> 
> Thanks for reading my fanfic XD


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